Room Post #2

My room has 1x door. On my door there is:
- a painting of me done by Damien Taylor
- envelopes sent to me from people rather than companies
- ink cartridge tabs
- a round of poem sandwich I did with Michele and his friend
- a series of uncomplimentary photos of myself stuck there by my friends

freshly vacuumed for yr njoyment

I bought shelves and brackets on trademe and put them up
to make a library. For my makeshift wardrobe I got a
vacuum cleaner pipe from the ecostore and attached it to the
 bottom shelf with dog chain. It holds all of my clothes
minus shorts socks boxers and ties and has not collapsed yet! 

My cacti make for an excellent anti-burglar system.
Winston growls at any intruders.

Skateboards/guitar

Wall tahi!

Here is my TV. It is currently on the Discovery
Channel but gets bad reception. 

Drawers built by Grandad and laundry basket from Nan,
both enhanced with eyes/lips from Sophie!
Alice the Camel holds my taonga.
"No, this is not interesting!!" message written by Rosa
many years ago while I was telling her a story
that I thought was cool but she obviously didn't.

Letter holder from Northcity Opshop (50c). Zine library made out of printer packaging.
Japan cancer mortality rate poster + drivers license from Sophie. Tree painting by me.
 Screenprints from a Beyond Resistance workshop.  Picture in pencil by Ineke.
Occupy Aotearoa Statement of Purpose that I read at the first Occupy Christchurch planning meeting.
Birthday messages from Josh, Nick, Laura and Nicola. Setlist from 2011 Unknown Mortal Orchestra gig in Wellington.
  Dog painting from Nelson market. Butterflies and flame prints from pop up shop in Wellington. Whakapapa from Dad. 

Wall rua!

Luigi is njoying his new spot next to Mr. Towel and the infamous hair envelope. Take that studylink!
I decided to put up my 21st party photo boards as it was much faster than taking all of the photos off and then putting them up indidvidually.
The amazing painting in the top right was bought from the ecostore for $5. I love it more and more every day.

Pixies poster bought from The Palms with Rosa in 2006 I think....Record player from Mum, playing The Golden Awesome (of course).
Excellent Wethey Original space banana painting done by Chris after I bought him a canvas.
Old stereo from the 80s which I have treasured for years. Speakers that like to cut out a lot.
Mario and Wario finally embracing. Battle of Breakfast painting done by myself.
Acrostic poem by Rosa. Party invitations from Tommy.
Sunset painting by Alex C. Numberworks certificate by Devereux.
Speech bubble picture by Ineke. Commiseration card by Rosa and Sophie.
Patrick picture by myself and Kirsten, 2006.

"work area" - old school desk and teal chair from trademe.
Real Estate poster/setlist from Dunedin 2012 gig.
 Lots of Mandarins given to me by Mum. 

Commune poster altered by Matt (see here).
Troll painting by Ronan.
Cows from a cafe in Bishopdale, with SOON added by me.
Speech from Jackie Opie, Ollie's Mum.
Other posters from magazines.

Sock/Underwear storage whiteboard from internet.
Super Soaker XP 95 from Trademe.
Sneaky felt pen camoflague troll by Sophie/Matt.

Fox scarf from Dunedin Art Gallery.
Toys from various places.
Prized green holepunch from NorthCity Opshop (50c!!!)

Hat hanger from Nelson Market.
Paper Recycling Kit from Olivia, Rosa's past Wellington flatmate.
Chess set from Mum.
Bookends from Trademe.
White Pikmin from Japan.
Green sunhat and purple beanie from Occupy Christchurch's Free Market.
Multicoloured beanie knitted for me by Gini.

Cambodian doll from Rosa. Link, Animal Crossing Fisherman, Pikmin and Bulborb from Japan (internet). Most CDs from Real Groovy, 2006-2008. T-Rex pepper shaker from Iko Iko in Wellington (Rosa has the white one). Munchlax from Farmers.

This is a photo of my tipuna Taiaho, given to me by my cousin Melanie for my 21st birthday. He watches over myself and my room. Around him are quotes from my Ngai Te Rangi ancestors. 

Shorter Stories in Shorter Lived Snow

We had one short day of snow fall. The next day we wrote shorter stories out in the melting snow. All times were good. What do you think of these?

7/06/12

Outside sitting in the snow edition

Location: School

Last Sentence: “The world is not always a forgiving place, but sometimes it is.”

Object: Fish

Authors: Scott Allan, Damien Taylor and Regan Stokes

Scott

The kids swarm to their classes, a mad rush under the drone of the bell. It pierces their thoughts and all turns to mayhem. They swarm, slide and squish past each other like fish escaping fishermen nets. The chaos feeds the puffer fish, he watches through his office window in great delight. “A bunch of fools”, he thinks, and he glides back to his desk. A mountain of paperwork, but the puffer fish accepts this; it is worth it. Now he is 

the puppet master, he has the control and he has the respect.

A small child knocks nervously at the door. His eyes weep, his parents will be furious, he has never been in trouble and he stands waiting at the principal’s office. The door creaks open and the puffer fish waits grinning. His hair sleeked back greasily and his eyes were wider than golf balls. The kid, a mere tadpole, starts to cry. He didn’t deserve this. Outside, the other kids sweat, dreading their time in the puffer fish’s cove. Screams followed by whimpering, they can only imagine.

The puffer fish loves this moment, he now has the power. He ponders how he shall punish the tadpole. His spikes protrude out sharply. He strolls over to his cane, still grinning like a madman. Gripping the cane firmly he makes his way to the pathetic whimpering tadpole. Its eyes look up towards the glorious fish in mercy, the moment awaits. As the puffer fish raises his cane he stops. Their eyes lock in the duel, the tadpole does not back down. A moment of realisation, clear and beautiful thought, the puffer fish knows he is wrong. The tadpole shows all the features of his younger self. The cane descends as the puffer fish deflates to his true self. His greasy smile turns warm, genuine and true, and a sole tear is shed. The tadpole sighs in relief. The world is not always a forgiving place, but sometimes it is.

Regan

Seven years ago exactly, I would have been eating lunch with my friends at Cashmere High School. By then we would have claimed the back of W Block as our social territory, or at least part of it as a group of Year 12s had already established the space as their own. They played hacky and sometimes smoked behind the bushes. Since we were only Year 10s they were the tangata whenua so as their guests we respected the area and our two groups co-existed peacefully.

Behind W Block we had our own concrete ramp (complete with eaves to huddle under in the rain), a sprawling tree to lean our bags against in the summer, the external part of a sawdust machine to sit and rip our shorts and skirts on, a grass area large enough to play a small game of football, and a row of trees that lined this grass. It was these trees that inspired the game of High Stakes Football.

High Stakes Football involved taking turns kicking the ball as high as possible up into tall trees. It was a perfect game because you cannot lose; the ball either tumbles back to earth or lodges itself in the branches, with both of these results usually producing a round of cheers from all participants. If the ball was stuck, the general sequence of events that followed was:

      

      1.       Throw another object up at the tree to dislodge the ball. This was usually another ball (upping the ante further) or someone’s schoolbag.

      2.       If approach #1 failed, send someone (usually Tom) up the tree to collect the ball.

Year 10 (2005) was a significant year because I:

       ·         Discovered The Pixies, thus opening up my musical appreciation to a new and great variety of bands

       ·         Watched Fight Club for the first time

       ·         Had several interesting relationships

       ·         Made many close friends

In our Y10 maths class there was a goldfish kept at the front of the classroom. One day the goldfish was gone. Our teacher was upset and told us that a student had flushed it down a toilet. I think I was shocked at the time, but a dull kind of shocked like it didn’t affect me as much as it should have. This is why I write this story. I am sorry, poor goldfish, for your fate at the hands of humanity.

I went to a school of fish from 2004-2008. The world is not always a forgiving place, but sometimes it is.

Damien

Tena Koe bro. My name is Matthew Gibson Kahurangi, but you can call me Tiu (short for Matt-chew). I’m getting up and going today. Gonna make it to school. It’s hard when I wake up, no one cares if I get ready or not. They’re just hung over from last night. Must be my day today; found five bucks on the ground, and got me a Osler’s pie on the way to school. Mean breakfast. I don’t like coming to school; none of it is important. But I like to see the people. Nothing would happen otherwise; I would just stay at home. I go from class to class when I’m here, but they want me to learn this confusing stuff that has no value to me. The white boy gets it though. He always knows what old Ball-head and White Witch are talking about. That would be mean; to know. I like that boy, he’s crack up. Kind of just funny. He aint like the other bros. Have some jokes with him. Some of the others don’t like him cause he’s smart and white and that. But he’s cool. He could be Maori if he wants. There’s another person I like too. Nan. She’s awesome. Always looks after us and the little fullas. She’s real smart too. Knows about all that stuff we don’t learn at school. But, she don’t want me to leave school. I could get heaps of money working at the docks. My uncle works there. Has to be there at 6 in the morning and work hard till 3pm, but he’s gotta mean Holden. Always shouting down at the pub too. I wanna do that. I think I will leave soon, but don’t wanna disappoint Nan. I know she knows what she’s on about but I’m sure she would want me to help with money and that. Yeah, that sounds right. I’m gonna do it. I’ll save heaps then buy a heatpump. Nan would never be cold at her house again.

...............................................splirchz.........................................piff........................................................

...............................................splirchz.........................................piff........................................................

...............................................splirchz.........................................piff........................................................

...............................................splir......

Fhark. I stop and think. That was an interesting day for me then. And now. These fish don’t have a say, ae. They just get scooped up and taken here. Then I take this knife and stab their guts, then throw it in the drum. May be life is easier that way; no choice. I look at the metal box with fans on the wall and think. The world is not always a forgiving place, but sometimes it is.

snow city

On Tuesday night I cooked a jungle curry with the help of Matt. It included every vegetable that the jungle has to offer. That evening it started raining so after dinner I dropped off Damien, Ronan and Josh at the Ghostface Killah gig at uni then went to Catalyst open mic poetry (I read some haiku from my school zine and Doc offered me some money for a copy!) I then rushed home to pick up a sled from my mother's house since it was scheduled to snow today.

Last year there were two separate bouts of snow in Christchurch. Gina lent me her toboggan so Nick, my sister and I went tobogganing on an empty section in Cashmere. It was action-packed; here is a nostalgic video to prove this!

Nick and I ended up buying a cheap sled last year after the second bout of Christchurch snow, but there was no more snow that year so it sat unassembled in the garage of mum's house up until Friday night. You can imagine how excited I was when I heard it was meant to snow on Saturday!

THIS EXCITED.

Once I had acquired the sled on Friday night I went to work as I had a sleepover shift from 10.30pm. As I went to sleep I thought of this Thom Yorke song.

I slept well at work (no visits from the police thankfully), woke at 7am and saw that the ground had a light layer of snow. I later learnt that the school I've been posted at for teacher training this term was closed for the day due to snow, allowing me some extra time to test out the sled. I drove back to spag junx after breakfast and attempted to save our vegetables and herbs which have been recently relocated to the top of the carport.

A genius plan from Woodham since the back garden gets almost no sun

To save the plants I had to put a stool on a piece of snow-covered wood and carefully  climb on top of the stool to grab the pots. The two plastic containers with lettuce in them were too difficult to get down by myself so I wished my lettuce buddies good luck in the cold. I did save three pots of herbs however before the stool started sliding too much on the wet wood and I decided it would be best quit early and save myself from imminent paralysis.

Funnily enough, our spinach/lettuce/brocolli seedlings in the back garden had no snow on them since they were protected by an overhanging tree. I put a tarpaulin over them anyway for when the snow would eventually fall down off the branches. The fact that our backyard is sheltered from trees in all directions finally paid off; our vegetables would hopefully survive because of it.

As the morning drew on the other humans in my flat finally began waking up to discover the snow. What actually happened was that Damien woke up and ran screaming through the spag junx which woke up Scott and Woodham (Brad is a Sleepysaurus). Woodham shifted his car over so I could fit Bug under the car port as well. I grabbed the sled out of my car and Woodham and I put it together in the lounge.

box!

complete!

success!

Spag junx had run out of milk and someone had an idea to buy ingredients to make self-saucing puddings that evening so we left Brad to man the fort and set out into the snow to go to the dairy and then supermarket. I brought my camera and filmed the next NZ viral video sensation:

When we uploaded the video later we shared it widely in an attempt to get it on the 6 o'clock news but sadly this failed. It has had 456 views in 24 hours however which makes it our second most successful viral video (after Maddie's infamous Pokemon Card Dudes).

Naresh the dairy owner asked to borrow our sled for half an hour to use with his wife and daughter so we left it at the dairy for them. I joked that he should give us milk discounts for our kindness and he said that he wouldn't kick us out of his dairy the next time we came in drunk (note: this has never happened before). As a result of this banter/sled-sharing the relationship between Naresh and spag junx has reached new heights (this was actually discussed in a D&M later that night).

Damien and Scott then went to the supermarket whilst I walked to Ronan/Nathalie/Ollie/Gina/Nicola's flat with James and Woodham. Nathalie, Nicola and Ronan were there so we warmed up for a bit then walked back to spag junx with Ronan in tow. We went via the park and dairy to pick up the sled (Naresh gave us a free bag of chips!)

KEEP OFF the snow playground!

bubble fountain still had detergent in it from the weekend previous

After devouring the chips and a round of HOT DRINKS at home we went to Riccarton Bush. The plan was to walk through the native bush enclosure which would look amazing in the snow.

Scott wore shorts and ankle socks for some strange reason

On the way we met some kids who were forbidden to go outside their property (stranger danger? extreme snow danger?) so we battled them briefly with snowballs. They stood with their heads bobbing over the fence and were good at dodging but not so good at throwing. They didn't want us to go when we continued onwards; it was sad that they weren't allowed outside of their property considering they were at least 12 or so years old.

Riccarton Bush entrance (recently paved, more recently snowed)

We got to Riccarton Bush to discover that the enclosure area was closed due to falling trees. While we were there we heard tree branches snapping and crashing so we left and went to uni with the sled in pursuit of hills. There were a few steep slopes around the carpark but they were unfortunately very short. Matt met us at uni and we went down the library stairs on the sled which was fun, though I sadly bailed at the end due to ultra-high speed and soaked my pants. We were considering trying the big hill near the bookstore even though it was in an area cordoned off due to falling trees. Just as we were about to defy authority and go over the rope we heard a huge crack and a massive branch capable of killing a human fell to the ground in front of us. This put us off attempting the big hill. 

Woodham, Ronan and Matt went back to Matt's flat to go to the mall to get hot kai. Scott, Damien and I went to Ilam fields and had a game of snow soccer with some other students. It was very difficult in the soft snow, but snowballs were a good addition to the sport.

Once home we got warm, made HOT DRINKS and stayed in for the rest of the day. Here is a video of many of the day's events:

More photos!

happy vegetables this morning!

Commune 2020!

There is a plan to form a commune in 2020. The idea started around Year 11/12 (2005/2006) but has recently become more serious due to the current trend of humanity. We will live sustainably off the land and will not be a strange cult. There will be a wharenui and wharekai. There will be a communal wardrobe. There will be many weathered buildings with tin roofs to make rain even more exciting. Many people are keen on this idea.

When I was moving to my flat I found this old poster in my old room and thought of the commune. It has been up in my room ever since. While I assume our commune will look quite different to this the poster represents the way of life we are aiming for.

this is us, 8 years from now

Last night I went to move the poster and noticed a spaceship at the top. It was the work of Matt Franklin!

Lucian the Giraffe was irritated. The balloon was late! Late late late! This made the giraffe resort to a fit of rage. He became so angry that he was viewed on webcam as a threat to the US government who quickly dispatched a rocket to dispatch of him. Luckily Lucian has been bred for rocket invulnerability.The dead tree sprouted fruit that supported Lucian in his conquest for Utmost Power. If it wasn't for slow public transport we would still have humans left on earth, take note Christchurch City Council. 

Matt and Chris had come round a week or so back and we had played the first ever round of Shorter Stories (documented here). In that same evening we drew small pictures in coloured pencil at the request of Matt (I drew a sleepy tree which features below and a prison cell which I presume is on Matt's picture). I had assumed that these pictures were for a second hand painting Matt had in his room that he was planning to spruce up by adding extra features. A few nights later Matt was back at spag junx, cutting out tiny red and green shapes. I assumed these were apples and pears for his picture. Little did I know he was actually planning to add them to mine (Look again at the picture above and you will see them!!)

Scott informs me that Matt has been adding extra pictures every time he has been to our flat over the last week, which means it has taken me up to eight days to notice (assuming Matt started adding pictures on the 26th when we started drawing them).This is a great example of a "positive troll" (playing a trick on someone that they actually njoy). Since it took me so long to notice I give the troll an A+ rating. Here are the other additions that I've spotted so far (I think I've found them all...)

Luke was having a great day until he accidentally set himself on fire. He ran about his front yard shouting for help instead of heading to the river. 

Meryl was sick of her younger brother.
"I know what I'll do," she thought. "I'll grab my father's axe and chop off my dear brother's leg,"
Conveniently their father was chopping wood right behind them and was highly incompetent at supervising his children. Meryl succeeded in grabbing the axe. The leg-amputation went smoothly, but Meryl felt very sad inside when she heard the cries of agony from her brother. Suddenly she realised that she loved her brother very much. So much that she wanted two of him. So she picked up the axe again to split her brother in two. Down came the axe for the second time. The operation was successful! Meryl, Jimmy and Jimmmy all got along very well. 

Aliens from Jupiter play pooh sticks in the river with human subjects

Cow No. 24 was confused at being presented with a large lemon for supper. Was it for consumption? Or simply a large pillow?

"Oh, him? He is expendable. Very lazy. He'll be hay by Tuesday."

Bill hoped that he would lose weight by reading a short story.
Mr. Leeroy was the talk of the town with a new set of trousers. 

Steve the shopping trolley looked at his wife in anger.
"I provide all of the food for this house and you do nothing!"
Molly could not believe what she was hearing.
"Oh really? Can't you see how much I've done today? At least ten loads of dirt! If you can't  appreciate what I'll do I'm off!"
And with that, Molly scooped up the shovels and was wheeled away by Farmer Orange.

Jim was having a bad day. He had landed on earth at 10am and was still looking for his first kai of the day at 3 o'clock. At last, he spotted two humans on a team picnic expedition. Jim edged along the wall and crept towards the duo.
"fdfsdf eeefdf eefwfwf?" said Jim.
Sally and Bob were initially scared, but within ten minutes were happily dissolving in Jim's partitioned stomach together. It was like a five-star hotel!

Digger - 3 points!

Gretel the Witch always carried two hats in case she lost one. This paid off bigtime when she was attacked by Ostl the Bridge Goose who bit off one hat and threw it into the rapids. On the other side of the bank the strange dark creature of the forest known as Dribblegook saw Gretel and realised he had found the love of his life. In the next fifteen seconds Dribblegook will sprint across the bridge and ask Gretel to accompany his for a chai latte at the village cafe. But will Gretel accept? Of course she will; though her last relationship ended in acid tears she is now ready to love again.

Hive! Hive! 7 points! 7 points! Sadly, Billy was only playing Hives and Diggers by himself, and it doesn't really work if you're not driving on the open road with a group of amicable friends.

Henry the Horse had always wanted to compete in the kite olympics. In the bushes,  Yellow Terror Digger lies in ambush. The string will be broken. Billy will be stoked upon sight of Yellow Terror Digger, netting himself 3 more sweet points in his solo game of despair. 

As the day drew to a close, even the trees began to fall asleep. No one noticed as a lone hay bale burst into flame and disintegrated slowly. Tim was floating down the river, as happy as a dream, unaware that Death was waiting close by. Luckily, Death was playing hide and seek with Terence the Cow, and since Terence was "in", Death was far too concerned with concealing his position to bother with killing Tim. Score! 

hi matt, this is matt

A few weeks ago Matt* left himself logged into his university email account on my laptop when he left. Critical mistake. Sophie and I discovered that Matt sends documents to himself for his uni work so took the chance to introduce Matt to Future Matt.

*Matt has a Christmas themed bike and always selects a song to listen to on his short ride home before he exits spag junx

the future: offensively large images, everywhere

Matt has informed me that he has kept in good contact with Future Matt ever since.

on submitting stories

Damien and I both submitted entries to the NZ Flash Fiction competition. Results should be out around mid-June. 

"So, what are you going to do with your winnings, Damien? I'm planning to fly to New York and establish myself as a world-renowned writer." - Regan

"Just go to Westfield aye." - Damien

is this it?